Thursday, January 18, 2007

We forget our own songs...

I am beginning to get really frustrated at ADP’s lack of real activity this past month. This was clearly evident last weekend when we got together to jam after 3 MONTHS and sucked major ass. Well to be honest, the ass-sucking was restricted mostly to us trying to perform our songs on the album. When we just did improvised jams, they sounded pretty damn awesome. It was good to have OK back to drumming because we sound rather impotent without him.


Hmm, I wonder what an impotent dude sounds like, probably like Shaan in the latest installment of the new Mobilink Indigo ad. Oh for the love of god, why doesn’t he just put on an Indigo condom and bone her already… and what the hell is it with this Indigo fetish?

Everything in that mfcking house is mfcking purple. Yes OK we get, you want brand association with Indigo. But why do they have to shove it up our collective asses everytime we see it on the screen?

This is the most painful courtship I have ever seen since me trying to ask a chick out when I was 15.


Me: How would you like to go out sometime?
Hot Chick: How would you like to suck my balls?

Speaking of Indigo, I am also confused with people who have names for different shades of color. Indigo is mfcking purple. There is dark blue and light blue. There is pink. What the hell is damn "fuchsia" or "auburn" or "magenta". Whenever I hear people refer to these colors, I feel confused. Then I beat them with sticks.


Oh yeah ADP. (Sorry for the foulmouthed vitriol. It is a great way to blow of steam. Plus the word "balls" is inherently funny to me.)

So anyway, we jammed that day and were hopelessly out of touch. It is ironic that we will have to listen to our album to learn how to play our own songs again. We forgot structures, lyrics solos, you name it...

Plus through our lending out of equipment to various people, somebody has misplaced our crash symbol. (If anybody knows who has hit please let me know, it is a Paiste Crash Symbol with a strip of red tape on it. If you return it now, you will get free tickets the next ADP show. If you return it later, you get free tickets to MY BOOT IN YOUR ASS.

The next day Lodhi left for India. Once again we’re incomplete. But at least we’re on the way to getting our mixing done. More on that process later. Till then stay tuned for an update on concerts we are going to do in the last week of Feb. We’ve been out of the scene too long and I promise you, when we come back, we’re going to rock harder than ever. Remember, 2007 is going to our year…

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Top Ten Things I Can Do Without in 2007

10. People who ask you “Mind if I smoke?” and then look at you all weird when you say "yes".

9. People who hear the name “Aunty Disco Project” and then ask “Which one of you is the Aunty” and then chuckle as I beat them with sticks.

8.Fat people travelling next you. I know it’s really insensitive of me, but when some fat dude is travelling on a plane in the seat next to, I feel as if I am being slowly invaded. Plus last time, this one dude was so fat, I think I lost my iPod in him.

7.People who do not laugh when I sing “Yasir! Why don’t you s*** my balls”

6. Hot people who can’t hold a conversation. E.g.
Me: So…what do you think of the political situation in Northwestern Chichawatni?
Hot Babe: Huh?
Me: Eat shit and die.

5. Goats. They are evil satanic creatures who do nothing all day except hump and shit tiny impeccably formed spheres. No wonder we massacre their asses every year.

4. People who blame everything on wedding season.
“Oh I’m sorry we couldn’t meet up, my cousin is getting married”
“Sorry, I went to a wedding and ate the prawns and now I’m shitting like a Japanese Bullet Train”
“Decided to bomb Sialkot, fuckin… wedding season…”

3. Tailors who are supposed to take my pant measurements but end up molesting me instead. I mean come on, they should at least buy me dinner first.

2. Annie. No wait, I love Annie. In fact I’m a Fan-nie. (due credit to Omar Khalid for this joke.)

And the no.1 thing I can do without this YEAR is ……(read below)



Ok, now let me make this clear, there are decent journalist and writers here in Pakistan. People who are actually good critics, know their content and more importantly have a solid writing style. I also don't claim to be an authority on good journalism but at least I have a degree in it. Please read the below article.\01\09\story_9-1-2007_pg12_9

Now if you are far too lazy to read the entire article….

Let me give you a background. This past Sunday, when Falak finally did decide to perform, they asked us to open again for them. Now I had to go out of town, while OK had just come back in town. So the guys who ended up performing were NOT ADP but Lodhi, Yasir and Sibtain (our aforementioned buddy). This is what the “Staff Reporter” for Daily Times wrote.

"Sunday's gig was opened by a local group called "Aunty Disco Project" (ADP). The choice of opening band was surprising to say the least, because ADP had nothing whatsoever to do with metal or hard rock, and if the performance at Basement Café was anything to go by, the band has a very, VERY long way to go before achieving even the remotest levels of acceptability. What does go in its favour, however, is the fact that it has a very good tabla player. Maybe they should use him more often, rather than relying on the vocalist belting out country numbers to get the crowd moving."

Apart from referring to the band as “it” rather than “they” I am just disappointed at this writers' sneering dismissal and plain laziness when checking the facts. It was NOT Aunty Disco Project performing. It was members of Aunty Disco Project performing with Sibtain who is NOT our lead singer and the country song he did was in fact a joke song. Now I’m glad he/she had good things to say about Yasir, but why the hell would someone use a darbuka instead of a lead vocalist and try to sing songs? Last time I checked a darbuka was not the ideal instrument to enunciate “Been a long time since I rock and rolled”. And then they called it a tabla.

If he/she had just bothered to ask a couple of more questions rather than stapling their lips to Falak’s butt we might have had a decent article. But this is what I see here, there is no constructive criticism, only butt-kissing or complete dissing.

I apologize if I sound petty or bitter. I haven’t heard Falak so I don’t know if they are good or not. I don’t mind if someone criticizes us or just plain hates our music, everyone has their own taste. But I am livid at how a tiny bit of sloppy journalism can tarnish somebody’s reputation.

(P.S: This is how you can comment if blogger is being a pain - thanks to Khizzy of Cloud Khizzy fame for sharing this with me!

click the comment button,
then in the link space, you get this:

get rid of this bit:

and re-load. Ta daaa)

I'm back. Like Shady.

First of all a very Happy New Year to all the loyal ADP Diaries readers, I am really sorry I haven’t updated in awhile, just been really busy, and then I got very jaded by a whole bunch of things. The start to the New Year was really slow. Anyway to give you a quick update on what we are doing,

We are pretty much done with the recording sessions, Ashfaq drove us mad by refusing to give us shifts and not showing up on days we had scheduled them. So now we are basically taking our recording tracks and getting them mixed somewhere else, preferably someone who isn’t a big name. Once again, this has pushed back our album release but hopefully we should be able to get our first single out pretty soon.

The band is suffering because we haven’t jammed properly with our full set up since October. So this past week, when an offer came for us to open for Falak at The Basement Café I thought we might as well for a bit of a jam. Plus Lodhi’s buddy Sibtain from the band Zzing (of “Mera Number” fame) was joining us. It was fun jamming with Sibti because he was a fellow Beatles enthusiast and we had a jolly old time jamming along to Let it Be, Norwegian Wood, A Hard Days Night and Hey Jude where I let loose my atrocious keyboard playing skills. When the time came however, the Basement was empty. Apparently the Falak chaps decided to postpone the gig leaving us to once again haplessly perform to an almost bare venue. I really don’t want to perform our originals any more without Omar Khalid. Without drums, I feel we don't do justice to ourselves. Not that we perfomed bad, in fact our open jam with everyone at the basement was great fun. It just felt like we were lacking our oomph.

The saga doesn’t end there. Read on for more fun and verbal abuse.

(P.S: This is how you can comment if blogger is being a pain - thanks to Khizzy of Cloud Khizzy fame for sharing this with me!

click the comment button,
then in the link space, you get this:

get rid of this bit:

and re-load. Ta daaa)