Thursday, February 19, 2009

Why Musicians Make Horrible Boyfriends.

1)We won't get you monetary gifts for your birthday or Valentines. Instead we will totally cop out and write you a song. It is cool the first time. But then every subsequent year it gets worse. Especially when we get a friend to add rap to it.

2)We will secretly look down on you for not knowing as much about music as us. If in fact you do know more than us, we will break up with you and find someone stupider. So you have to feign surprise/interest/wonderment every time we introduce a new artist to you or lecture you on the genius of Jeff Buckley etc.

3)We will plot your demise if you admit to liking any other musician.

4)You have to show up to all our gigs. Every single one. We also expect to get lucky after every performance.

5)We are constantly looking for drama in the relationship so we can write songs about it. So if our relationship is going pretty well, we will imagine a story about you running off with a pack of alcoholic midgets and breaking our heart. Remember, a happy musician is a bad musician.

6)There is a high probability that we will steal song lyrics from great singers and write them for you claiming them to be our own words. (Actually that one applies to boys in general, always Google the poems on your love letters!)

7)We will be patronizing whenever you talk to us about music. “Yes sweetie, this is my wah-pedal, haha, yeah baby I know its a funny name, haha, you're cute when you're stupid”

8)Musicians are genetically predisposed to have no concept of time. So we will never show up anywhere on time. Also we will never give you an accurate idea of how much time we are going to need. But here is a helpful scale.

    When We Say
    We Actually Mean
    5 minutes
    15 minutes
    15 minutes
    1 hour
    1 hour

9) We will always have songs written about ex-girlfriends. And those songs will never go away. Deal with it.

10) No matter how stupid, insincere or plain irritating they may seem, we will always abandon you if there are groupies.


Blogger KM said...

why was none of this surprising.

great post.

11:46 AM  
Blogger Ahsan said...

Slightly off-topic, but how did you get the table safely transported to blogger? Every time I try to put in a table in a post, it ends up all messed up.

12:58 PM  
Blogger Omar said...

Dude, I just made it in Word and copied and pasted it. Then an option showed up saying that I couldn't post this thing with HTML tags, so i clicked the shit out of the option that said "post without HTML tags".
This seemed to work, so I was happy and then I banged everyone.

1:07 PM  
Blogger Ali. said...

you made a table lol. other people are considering it too?? =O

i am an unimaginative blojjer it seems.

1:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

predictable. :P

feels good to be smug about some things doesnt it!

1:33 PM  
Blogger Majaz said...

I was about to ask the same question Ahsan did. It's still Greek to me.

And I seriously pity the girl you're seeing. Bechari. Stuck with a love song about an ex-girlfriend, a lecture on Buckley and a dash of condescension.

No wonder you fall for groupies. Intelligent women will probably start their own bands by the time you start talking about "Hallelujah". :P

1:51 PM  
Blogger KM said...

my God, i'm loving Majaz's comment.

2:34 PM  
Blogger Anushay. said...


Nice excuses though =P

7:07 PM  
Blogger Koi Pahailee said...


really funny and shockingly true
now I do pity some of the girls I know who are / used to go out with boy-band guys...
and also understand their plight...

8:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

this was brilliant and hilarious. Thanks for coming clean, very helpful insight. :)

8:50 AM  
Blogger Tazeen said...

//A pack of alcoholic midgets ///

is that a residual effect of repeated viewing of 'In Bruges'?

11:40 AM  
Blogger Insaaniat said...

lolz youre sooo funny...

5:51 AM  
Blogger Insaaniat said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

5:57 AM  
Blogger Insaaniat said...

omar bhai, if music doesn't work out for you, try stand-up comedy, I'm sure that will help. And ali zafar sooo reads you're blog. I still can't stop laughing. All th girls in sajania have dicks. rofl!

5:58 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

so how is that girl coming along..ahem ahem ...its time u revealed her buddy ;)

11:22 AM  
Blogger Opinionated Jaahil said...

I can so relate to this.
Lesson learnt in life:
Never date a musician. Even if he looks oh so k3wlz with that guitar. Never, ever.

4:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Omar,does your cheek hurt?What with your tongue constantly jutting into it.Ha ha...yeah,that's not funny.Hmmm,anyway,knew a musician once--I don't whether to love you for being so funny or hate you for being so right.

9:50 AM  
Blogger Joo said...

Funny funny stuff. =)

8:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

im sure the time thing applies to ALL pakistani men.

8:11 PM  
Anonymous kya masla hai? nahi batana mujhey said...

haha i love this especially the table

1:45 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

two guys were walking down the street. one was a musician and, the other one didn't have any money, either.

6:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This had me laughing out loud big time! If you miss out on becoming a Rockstar, try writing a book. Funny stuff here and mildly true! LMAO!

6:35 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

I admire your inspired wit. A man with such a deprecating sense of humour is so very sexy. And you look so lickable as well.
If you'd let me, I could easily become be your insipid, flighty groupie, that is, if you like hot older women... If you ever come to Canada... I'll be first in line for your show ;)

Ottawa, Ontario

11:35 AM  

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