Kanye West: Chootia
I have always maintained that Kanye West sucks ass all day. I hate his music. I hate his rapping. I hate the fact that he's a fashion icon and now the final straw, Kanye West has written a BOOK.
That's right Kanye West who is a self proclaimed hater of books and all other things containing knowledge and low to mild reading (including Twitter) has written a book full of shit that Kanye says. Aaah, irony thou art a sneaky bedfellow.
Please read this quote. I know I can't without wanting to punch myself in the nuts.
"Sometimes people write novels and they just be so wordy and so self-absorbed," West said. "I am not a fan of books. I would never want a book's autograph"
That's right! I agree Kanye! Like that motherfucker Dostoyevsky! Why he be so sad n shit? And don't even get me started on them ho's Emily and Charlotte Bronte...bitches be runnin' wild.
I also love how he would never want a books' autograph. Imagine all the rest of us stupid fuckers crowding around the 19th edition of "Great Expectations" with pens while Kanye's all like standin in the corner and shit with his posse bein all like "fuck that shit man! I ain't gonna be askin for that". I'm sure he'd get an autograph from a DVD though. I hear the Godfather 2 DVD doesn't like public appearances. But I'm sure it'll make an exception for fuckin' Kanye.
The article goes on to explain how the book is a collection of"Kanye-isms". It is knowledge straight from Kanye to you. His collection of thoughts and theories.
"His book is 52 pages -- some blank, others with just a few words -- and offers his optimistic philosophy on life. One two-page section reads, "Life is 5% what happens and 95% how you react!" Another page reads "I hate the word hate!"
Whoa....hang on a second...he wrote a 52 page book....some pages BLANK? Does anybody else reading this feel like shooting themselves in the dick? Who the fuck writes a book with blank fuckin pages? Forget that, who the fuck buys a book with blank pages? Is Kanye trying to cleverly make a statement about how sometimes his brain is filled with no fuckin thoughts whatsoever. Aah thats probably it. He's smarter than I thought. As can be inferred by this gem
"I hate the word hate!!"
Fuck! Kanye has me confused! First he say he hate the word hate! Then why he be using the word hate! Now I used the word hate! Does that make me a bad person in the eyes of lord and sovereign Kanye? Kanye you sneaky word playing bastard.
"My favorite one is 'Get used to being used,'" he said.
Aah, this one is clearly for all the fellas chillin in jail out there. Kanye provides them with solace by telling them to quit whining and get used to all the ass rape.
This leads up to the most bizarre moment in the article.
So does he fancy himself a modern-day Confucius? "I'm trying to end the confusion," he said, laughing and adding, "I'm gonna put that on the next album."
Is it just me or did Kanye West actually think the word "Confucius" meant "Confused Person"? Because it seems to me that would make his answer slightly less fucktarded. But it's ok since we all know that if Kanye is unclear about something, he will just put it on his next album.
Me: "Hey Kanye! What's the capital of Sweden?
Kanye: "Sheeeeet, I dunno! But I'ma put it on my next album".
"I am a proud non-reader of books. I like to get information from doing stuff like actually talking to people and living real life," he said.
DOH! That's what I've been doing wrong! All this time I was living my fake life as King of Bonerland talking to my imaginary friends Bashir The Obsessive Compulsive Bunny Rabbit and Maqsood the Transsexual Midget. No wonder I had no information about anything or anyone. But we had some good times though.
West dedicates the book to his late mother. "My mom taught me to believe in my flyness and conquer my shyness," he said, defining "flyness" as confidence.
Poor Kanye, can't help rhyming! all that pesky wordplay talent seeping through. And I'm glad he defined "flyness" for all us who don't speak Kanye. For a minute there I actually thought Kanye was in fact, motherfuckin Superman.
Sigh. Kanye West = Chootia.
P.S: i know I was supposed to put Part 2 of the Great LUMS Trip, but this got me really riled up, stay tuned, for Part 2, should be up tommorow.