Tuesday, May 19, 2009

The Great LUMS Trip: Day 1

The fact that I had so much to blog about usually puts me in denial of how much I have to blog about. The result is I don't blog. But here I have forced myself to go back to writing and give you the account of our concert at LUMS. Last weekend ADP were booked to play at LUMS University's 10 Year Re-Union of their Music Society. Now we got the gig mostly because Omar Khalid is a favorite son of LUMS and he seems to have this legendary reputation there as an extraordinary musician. The kind of awe that OK inspires in LUMS freshies is pretty surprising to me. No doubt OK is an extraordinary musician. But as we all know, he is mostly a choot. Anyway, I was pretty sour-grapes because for once I wasn't hogging all the attention, and for some reason everyone in LUMS seemed to assume that OK was the lead singer of ADP.

I also want to introduce a new character to the cast of ADP. Everyone please welcome Mr. Aamir Rauf, our newly appointed manager. Aamir is a cool, sweet guy. He as a degree in music management from Berklee School of Music. So basically you can all suck his balls.

So here is the chronological, impossibly long self indulgent version of The Great LUMS Trip.

Saturday Morning

6:45 AM: Yasir and I are waiting outside OK's house because he isn't ready. Our flight leaves at 8pm.We have 15 mins to get to the airport. When I called OK in the morning to see if he was up, he faked his consciousness by saying “Haan haan, I'm ready”. I believed him. Until he said “Hey OBA, what time is it?”. This tipped me off to the fact that not only was OK not ready, but he probably hadn't packed either. Anyway, OK finally comes out of the house. As predicted, he admits that the only things he packed last night were...the drumsticks.

7:00 PM: We reach the airport after driving like madmen and hurriedly check in. We discover that some of the VJ's from Aag are also going to Lahore and are on our flight, this includes the impossibly cute VJ Mahirah and the guys from 3-to-5, Yasir J and Raheel. Yasir and I reminisce over the mind numbingly stupid show we did with them last year. Aamir and Rahayl are already there, and as predicted Rahayl is not too pleased that we left him waiting there so long. He has a unique swear word for all of us.

7:30 PM: Security lets most of go through without a problem, some of them assume we're some big time band and are mildly starstruck. This however does not prevent them from stopping big bearded, long haired Rahayl at every chance. I worry about Rahayl's temper. He is one glare away from getting a body cavity search.

8:15PM: We board the plane. Yasir is terrified of flying. When Ali, OK and Rahayl find out about this, they make it their life's mission to make his life miserable.

8:30PM: Ali, OK and Rahayl are loudly inventing different scenarios where the plane crashes and we all die. Yasir is pale in the face and praying to the Almighty. This really is quite evil. But hilarious.

9:30PM: We all land in Lahore and Yasir vows never to fly with us again. At least until Monday.

10:30AM: Lahore is ridiculously hot. And the taxi drivers are ridiculously stupid. The cab that takes us from the airport to the rest house is pretty much a metal box. The entire front dashboard is held together with rope and duct tape. Rahayl has only been to Lahore once so he sits behind me and does the whole Japanese tourist thing.

Rahayl: Ooh whats that?

Me: It a tree.

Rahayl: And oooh what about that.

Me: Another fucking tree.

Rahayl: And what about that??

Me: For the last time Rahayl its a tre...oh...oh yes, you're right..that donkey is rather well endowed.

10:45AM: We reach the rest house. We have three rooms and there are five of us. There is a minor argument about who gets the single room. Using my awesome Jedi Mind Tricks I manage to get the awesome single room, becoming Asshole Lead Singer in the process. Yasir and OK shack up, while the beardy twins Ali and Rahayl take the other room. There is a discussion about whether OK is going to do something horrible to Yasir. At night. In his ass.

12:00PM: We take Rahayl on a tour of Lahore, where we stupidly decide we are going to visit Jehangir Ka Maqbarah (The Tomb of Emperor Jahangir). It is the hottest point of the day and only us stupid Karachiites are out. We see the Canal of Lahore running through the city. Rahayl asks the driver what people do in it. The driver answers “swimming”. But we all know this is code for “masturbate furiously”.

3:00PM: We are supposed to go to LUMS tonight to take part in a Music Conference. OK is supposed to be part of this panel of musicians who will talk about the music industry in Pakistan today while we field questions from the students. OK is not too comfortable in the public speaking role. Yasir takes him aside and gives him pointers, which are more or less along the lines of “Bhai, please don't be a chootiya”. OK writes this down in his notes. “Avoid Chootiya-pah”.

7:00PM: We arrive at LUMS.

7:01PM: Holy shit LUMS girls are hot.

7:25PM: We are taken to the conference room, where we meet Farhad Humayun from Overload and Shahzad Hameed, who is an incredible and highly respected rock'n'roller from the Lahore underground scene. It's a great atmosphere and we're all hanging out in a room, being served refreshments. All of a sudden this dude who looks strikingly like Atif Aslam walks into the room.

7:26PM: We realize Atif Aslam has walked into the room.

7:27PM: Now I know that Atif Aslam is the butt of many peoples jokes and its kinda uncool to like him now. But I'll say this, when he walked into the room, I'm pretty sure all of us were just a teensy bit starstruck. I mean let's face it, the guy is pretty much the biggest non-political, non-sports celebrity in the country. So there is an awkward silence in the room as Atif quietly says hi to everyone. He's accompanied by a bald dude in a tight yellow t-shirt. Kinda like a gay nazi skinhead. Its always weird meeting a big celebrity. You obviously don't want to fawn all over him. But you do want to show some sign of acknowledgement. So you have to strike the perfect level of admiration and coolness. Which is why I said "Hey Atif! I loved Aadat!" and then swiftly punched him in the nuts.

7:28PM: I introduce myself and the rest of the guys to Atif as the Aunty Disco Project. Atif admits he's heard of us but he hasn't heard any of our music. This breaks the ice, and Farhad starts talking about the lack of gigs and some heavy metal band from Karachi who he's recording. I jokingly suggest to Atif that he needs to switch paths and record a death metal album. I am shot a glare by the gay Nazi dude. But Atif is gracious, really polite and well mannered. I was pleasantly surprised. He sweats a lot though.

8:00PM: We shoot the shit with the other musicians, and we are told that we're only waiting for Zeb and Haniya to come so that the discussion can begin. I'm looking forward to seeing them again. OK remarks about how far those two have come along, although we started out at the same time. I think we've come along too. I mean here we are at LUMS hanging out with Atif right?

8:30PM: The conference starts, OK looks like a deer in the headlights when the first question gets thrown at him about the state of the music industry in Pakistan. OK is usually pretty eloquent, but since he is not able to use any swear words, he struggles a bit into a rambling answer that has all of us confused as hell. The conference itself was enjoyable in some bits but on the whole it was kind of pessimistic as none of the musicians, maybe with the exception of Zeb and Haniya were as optimistic as we were about the industry. But just being there was a start. There were talks about forming a musicians union, Atif brought up the idea of banning Indian songs from Pakistani airwaves so that our artists would have a chance to grow. Not everyone agreed, but it was an amiable discussion. And OK finally found his groove once he got over the nerves and started answering the questions intelligently.

10:00PM: After the conference, we are asked to come to the LUMS Music Society Jam room where they ask us to perform for them. The jam room is tiny and insanely hot and we're all dying in the heat. But we give it a shot. It was incredible. First Shahzad, Farhad and Rahayl jam out a rocking version of Led Zep's rock'n'roll and then we join in and do “Kiss”. Atif respectfully declines and only manages to play around on the cymbals while I do a version of “Fever” that Ali Alam finds objectionable. Apparently when I sing without a guitar, my hip movements are quite indecent.

11:00PM: It's an incredible night and I feel blessed to be in the company of such wonderful musicians. There's a buzz around campus and everyone is excited about the concert tomorrow. We say our goodbyes and head out to Food Street for dinner.

12:00AM: We now only have one car to take the 7 of us including the driver. We decide to rough it. So like a bunch of circus clowns we pile into a tiny little car and bathe in each others man sweat. Rock N Roll.

12:15AM: I lose all sensation in my right leg. And all reproductive ability.

12:16AM: We reach Food Street and I forget that my right leg has no sensation and I collapse in the middle of the street like Amy Winehouse on New Years Eve. My asshole band members are amused and do not make any effort to help me get up.

1:00AM: Dear lord the food in Lahore is good.

2:00AM: We reach back home and everyone turns in for the night. Tommorow. It's ROCK N ROLL TIME.

Stay tuned for Day 2.......


Blogger Ali. said...

Farhad Humayun is actually Richard Alpert in Lost.


Minus the eyeliner.

5:24 PM  
Anonymous laila said...

This whole people-thinking-OK-is-the-leadsinger scenario reminds me of when people from my school thought he was you ^^
Do you think Atif Aslam knows how much you hate him? XD

7:25 PM  
Anonymous Ayesh said...

Hahaha, I missed your blog. That was hilarious. OK shaved! Wow, this is random, shutting up now :P.

9:29 PM  
Anonymous Faiz said...

LUMS ROX... i missed ur blog man.... and ur funny articles...

8:28 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your blog posts are funny. :) It's exactly how my brother would write if he ever owned a blog, especially the bit about hot LUMS girls. I really hope you achieve more than what you aim for! :)

9:02 PM  
Blogger Neurotic Indisposition said...

*gouges her eyes out*
Thou art the eptitome of brilliant! Your way of writing is something I aim to do, I must say that it is deeeply amusing if nothing else for I share my views with you when it comes to Mister Aslam (we have history... 'nuff said XD)
Being a fan of your music I expected nothing less, and I really can't wait for more ^_^

12:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nice post!

2:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nice blog you have here.

12:11 AM  
Blogger for every reaction.... said...

omar! I must be the only person, who stumbled onto your blog,loved your writing and you tubed all your songs and now love your music!
but i love 'is tanhai ko' and I see you've never mentioned its making in amy of your posts! I still love the opening riffs of sultanat!I wish you hit big time soon n make it to I.N.D.I.A

3:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

sorry guys but your performance at LUMS was horrible.

6:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ahhh..so you liked the alumni chicks eh..

6:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I came all the way from Islamabad for Entity Paradigm. ADP has been in the news and i came to this blog last month and read some whining messages by the band and i thought to myself these guys must be good that's why you are so serious for not getting a record deal. But seriously ADP was a disappointment and the whinings are just whinings.

2:58 AM  
Blogger Ahsan said...

Yeah, ADP sucks! Ok, I didn't actually attend any of your live shows, but reliable sources tell me you're the Pakistani Michael Bolton!

Why don't you just continue to bowl bad leg-spin instead of trying to play music?!

You suck!

p.s. you suck.

p.p.s your band sucks.

p.p.p.s you and your band suck.

3:20 PM  
Blogger Omar said...

I swear man. We really suck. That's what I keep telling these fuckers.

Man Anonymous if you actually thought we were supposed to be good after wasting your life reading my blog, you're even stupider than us.

And ahsan, say all you will about my band and my music. But my leg-spin bowling? Some lines are not meant to be crossed. You will be hearing from my manager. By manager I mean hired rapist.

9:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

And an even better reply! hahah!

4:36 PM  
Blogger Ali. said...

goodness is directly proportional to the amount of whining someone puts out in the world. which is what anonymous thought. which is why he came all the way from islamabad. to watch EP. i heard EP didnt play. that must've sucked. the band you came for didn't play, the band you thought was good sucked. bad day.

bitch make me a sandwich.

9:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Miss Omar if you think you suck then you shouldnt say shit about other artists :)

Someone gave link to your blog post in which i read you crying and whining for not getting a label. She is a writer and was laughing at your whining messages.

I came from Islamabad to see whether eP has improved or not since Xulfi is not a part of eP.

eP didnt perform but i had a chance to see a very bad band perform live :)

11:36 PM  
Blogger SWR said...

i am not a big fan of your music. Although I love your writing, man you are funny! some of the stuff is straight up hilarious!!

7:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

mr. anonymous: please stop wasting your time here and go have sex with your writer friend.


9:53 AM  
Blogger Omar said...

@for every reaction:

Thank you so much for your words of encouragement, it really means a lot coming from across the border. I really do hope we get to come and perform there someday!

"Is Tanhai Ko" is a great song, it was written and sung by my former bandmate Imran Lodhi. I suppose the reason I haven't discussed it much here is because out of respect for Imran, we do not perform that song anymore as we consider it to be his property. Although I have fond memories of that song, especially the opening guitar riff. The first time Lodhi played it for me, I was immediately hooked. Lodhi's first arrangement of this song was completely acoustic, but we came up with the electric arrangement when he joined ADP.It's a pity we don't do it anymore it really is pretty tune. Thanks for appreciating!

11:15 AM  
Anonymous Zash said...

OBA now im getting cheap thrills out of you.
Ps. well written!

5:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey you guys were great in the impromptu music room jam session..loved it:)

12:27 PM  
Blogger Ali. said...

why is everyone anonymous!! wasnt the internet supposed to be AGAINST privacy??

11:23 PM  
Blogger Ahsan said...

So your LUMS trip was one day long then?

12:19 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ahem, Lahore is awesome, especially the food. If it took u so long to realize it, u're soooo behind the times :p

2:17 AM  
Blogger Faisal.K said...

LOL @ aTIF'S SWEAT STAINS... way to bring a celeb to the ground.. hope u guys make it big and never change man... you rawk.

4:58 AM  
Anonymous Hot LUMS Girl said...

DAMN ok is HOT *drools and reminisces about OK drumming in LUMS*

I wants a piece of his hot (albeit bony) stoner ass. Gimmedat!

Oh and random-ADP-lead-singer-person, nice blog, kudos!

4:32 PM  
Anonymous Hot LUMS Girl said...

p.s. when's the next gig in karachi?

11:26 PM  
Blogger karachikhatmal said...

i can't believe you didn't know of OK's fame in LUMS. i came while he was in his final year, but it was like the G3 had moulded into one when you considered how *famous* he was there. his lead for a version of alive that he did was also a popular ring tone on campus. were you from Indus, and not as popular there?

3:19 PM  
Blogger hushed said...

I've worked at LUMS for a little while and the mention of the tiny insanely hot jam room made me sit up!
I still remember how the music society go that teeny room after ages of fights and protests at the end of all creation LUMS, I witnessed soundproofing being done, I witnessed the thrills we'd get out of the fact that yayee we have a studio coz my music society babies dragged me out of my office and took me there just to show it off!
Ammar Zakiullah singing ain't no sunshine when she's gone emphasising on "I know, I know, I know" Ibad tagging along, Mustafa, Rizwan, Sarosh,Hashim, Maham aaaah! I miss my babies, I really truly miss that well loved jam room! Will make one in my house!!
Do NOT abuse! :)
Great post, I'm glad you enjoyed LUMS, hot chicks, and the food :)

6:07 AM  

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