I for one, do not believe the allegations. Here I provide several reasons, which provide an alternative explanation for his actions.
1. Afridi was hungry.
Fed up with his limited eating options in non-halal Australia, Afridi was driven mad with hunger. He started hallucinating on the cricket field and when he was handed the cricket ball, he thought it was an apple laced with heroin and bit into it. Now most of us would probably have shattered our front teeth and realized that we weren't eating a apple laced with heroin. But since Boom Boom Afridi is awesome he probably bit a massive chunk out of it, chewed it, digested it and shit out an AK-47 and a pellet of naswar.
2. Afridi was showing aggression.
What could be more terrifying than seeing a member of the opposition act like he is going to savagely devour your testicles? Clearly a calculated move on Afridi's part. The Aussies must have collectively shit their pants when they saw Boom Boom gnawing away at that cricket ball like a deranged beaver. We might have even won the match if Afridi had started chewing on a bat handle...
3. Afridi was horny.
In an effort to show that he was ready for mating, Afridi had to send out some signals. Here were his options:
Masturbate furiously in the middle of the pitch
Prove his virility by forcibly boning Peter Siddle. (mostly so he could make a rhyme about how he was able to “diddle Siddle”)
Thump his chest and take a shit near the boundary.
Bite a cricket ball to show his hunger for producing offspring.
Luckily for all of us, (and for Peter Siddle) he chose option 4.
4. Afridi is awesome.
Biting a cricket ball is merely the latest in a long list of awesome things Afridi has accomplished. A copy of his itinerary was found in the Pakistan teams dressing room yesterday. Here it is.
7:00 AM: Wake up, kick bitches out of room.
8:00 AM: Give team pep-talk. Threaten sodomy.
8:30 AM: Record new version of Nazia Hassan hit “Boom Boom”. Add “...will fuck you” to lyrics.
9:00 AM: Lead small Pathan village to revolution
10:00 AM: Audition for next Die Hard movie.
11:00 AM: Acknowledge awesomeness and laugh.
12:00 AM: Lunch: Find weakest member of Aussie Team and eat him.
1:00 PM: Start match. Go to Australian dressing room, rub testicles on all their gear.
2:00 PM: Score match winning 2 off one ball.
3:00 PM: Bite cricket ball
7:00PM: Find bitches.
5. Afridi is batshit fucking insane
How has this never occurred to anybody?
That's how Afridi rolls. He's unpredictable. He's loco. Insane in the membrane. Does he even know he's playing cricket? For all we know Boom Boom has no idea what the fuck he's doing in the middle of a stadium with 7,000 screaming fans. Heck he probably has no idea who the fuck Boom Boom is. Can you imagine the confusion? The poor terrified Afridi just wanted all those white people to stop yelling and that other white dude to stop hitting that fucking ball towards him all day. To make it stop, he picked up the ball and bit the fuck out of it. He was merely registering a legitimate, but ultimately, batshit-fucking-insane protest.