Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Valentines' Day

That most dreaded of occasions. The mere mention of it tends to shrivel my…er…hands. If you are not in a relationship, it makes you feel miserable. If you are in a relationship, and are unfortunate enough to be the MAN, it is ten times worse. So pick a category below and see if I come close to describing your experience.

If you are ugly and male and in love with someone hot and female.

You’re pretty fucked. Because lets face it, even though girls might try to tell you looks don’t matter, it’s hard for them to ignore your crater-like pimples and enormous uni-brow. So even if you spend an entire month working up the courage to give that special someone that special something, she will still treat you like a special person in the Special Olympics.

If you are good looking and male in love with someone hot and female

Since you think you are really hot, you are probably really stupid. This means you will give hot girl something stupid and unoriginal like flowers and candy. Given that hot girl will probably have many suitors, competition will be high and you will be forced to spend more and more to make an impact. This will make you bankrupt and homeless. You will spend the rest of your life being the weird homeless guy who doesn’t feel the need to wear pants.

If you are good looking and male and in love with someone ugly and female

You probably lowered your standards and professed your love for that girl who looks like Morgan Freeman in the hope that you had a better chance of getting action. However, ugly girl will sense that you are trying to get pity-sex from her and ignore your advances. You see, ugly girl could become hot someday. But you will always be a dumbass.

And finally….

If you are ugly and male in love with someone ugly and female

You might have a chance at happiness. Because as you try to talk to her, your movements will be so uncoordinated, you will knock her glasses off. In turn, her eyesight will be so weak, she will think you are a giant panda and agree to cuddle you. You get married and after a night of hot, passionate panda sex, you give birth to two ugly children and you name them, Maqsood and Shagufta who marry a sheep and an armadillo respectively. You and your human/panda/sheep/armadillo family live happily ever after.

So contrary to what any of you think, Valentines Day is really only for ugly people. Happy Valentine’s Day!!


Blogger Atta Khan said...

its very freaky u knoe so much........

6:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh you horribly demented being.

7:06 PM  

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